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Nov. 2nd, 2011

Things I learned from Horror Movies




1. Without his brother, Dean Winchester is a psychopath.
2. Always pay your debts... or your heart might get repossessed.
3. When astral traveling, don't go through the red door.
4. Most cops aren't very bright and are little more than cannon fodder and/or plot devices.
5. Every case needs a 7 ft. tall, flesh eating zombie.
6. Nearly 300 people disappeared on that trail, DON'T FOLLOW.
7. Don't pick on the less fortunate in school; they will get their revenge, either now or later
8. Giant moths can use the phone
9. Don't bother looking, there is nothing sharp in a bathroom, you'll have to break a mirror.
10. If you're ever possessed, an excommunicated priest is the way to go
11. We're all the same color on the inside. Ew...
12. After 3 gruesome 'accidents' in as many days, you should probably think about leaving town.
13. Sometimes the hero/heroine is too stupid too live and yet somehow they manage to survive... dammit
14. Doesn't matter that you've been told repeatedly not to trust anyone, go on outside to talk to that guy.
15. Oh by all means, don't move away when you wake up and find an ocean of blood on your ceiling.
16. Karma is only a bitch if you are.
17. Zombie horses catch on fire really quickly. Poof... like kindling.
18. The house always wins.
19. A gun sitting in an attic of an abandoned house for 60+ years, still will fire all 6 rounds. No problem.
20. You should definitely listen to the psychic.
21. A 16 year old girl and a 16 year old psychopath are two entirely different things.
22. You should pay attention to the crazy warnings from the locals.
23. Hitchhiking is dangerous, especially at night.
24. To do the impossible, you just need the proper motivation.
25. A trap won't be sprung until it's identified as one.
26. The virus spreading through the plane is obviously the flight attendant's fault.
27. If you're trying to hide from a murderer in the woods, put your cell phone on silent.
28. After being pulled out of a freezing river, be sure to smash a log upside your rescuer's head.
29. Apparently secret telling involves sledge hammers. I'm not on board with that.
23. During the zombie apocalypse, be prepared to trade drugs for food.
24. It's a bad idea to play with strangers you find in the cemetery in the middle of the night.






1. Asian bedrooms are soundproofed like whoa.
2. Mummified bodies can be rehydrated to the point of reanimation in small bodies of water.
3. Don't put on the ugly ass shoes you found in the subway. I mean, ew... Nothing good will come of it.
4. It is possible to be ugly enough to scare the undead.
5. When cows 'growl' it's a bad sign.
6. Zombies LOVE to tango.
7. You should absolutely NOT go toward the creepy church where the mysterious chanting is coming from.
8. Just because you managed to hide from the mob of fish people doesn't mean that you're, in fact, 'safe'.
9. Always take more than one match. The first will blow out.
10. Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean that they aren't out to get you.
11. If the unseen force sets something on fire, you don't want to provoke it.
12. 3 people drowned nowhere near water? Obviously natural causes.
13. Never doubt a gypsy.
14. If something GROWLS at you, don't try to have a conversation with it.
15. It is NEVER a good idea to split up.
16. There is never a good time to be 'the straggler'
17. Stupidity is often, thankfully, fatal.
18. There are no functional wheelchairs in abandoned hospitals. Broken leg? Suck it up & hobble out of there.
19. Being a foster/adoptive parent is a bad idea
20. Never tell anyone your fears. It may be used against you.
21. paranoia might make you look stupid but may just keep you alive
22. vampires not only drink blood, they use it to redecorate as well. Walls, floors... fountains
23. Really people... I shouldn't have to tell you that running with a machete is a BAD idea. Even Jason knows it
24. Mexico is just crawling with vampires
25. Tables always conveniently break into perfectly sized stakes
26. A string of christmas lights can cut through a person like a ginsu through butter
27. Its never a good idea to visit a brothel in the middle of nowhere.
28. the people in these movies are still frickin' idiots
29. You know you're screwed when the moonshine selling, creepy guys who act like rapists are the 'good' guys.
30. When your friend starts gnawing on your arm, its a pretty good clue the friendship is over.
31. If there are more than 3 events delaying you from leaving for your vacation, take a hint. Save yourself.
32. Zombies have fabulous taste in shoes
33. Don't follow the creepy children. It doesn't matter where they're going.






1. Don't poke doubtful things.
2. You are what you eat.
3. Its never just you and the rats in the tunnels.
4. Almost everyone in these films are freaking idiots.
5. Human entrails either look like spaghetti or link sausage, depending on your budget.
6. 'Just one minute' is too long to split up.
7. Any time the walls bleed, it's a bad sign.
8. People burst into flames when shot, obv.
9. Nothing ever good happens on Friday the 13th.
10. When in doubt, kill it with fire.
11. A person isn't going to look very good after its been attacked by a reanimated corpse.
12. If you're going for help, it might help if you actually GO...
13. If a bird commits suicide by flying directly at you, consider it a sign and gtfo.
14. If someone says IT came out of the closet, don't go looking for whatever it is.
15. Never stop in a ghost town.
16. Do not defile the corn.
17. There is book for every subject.
18. Don't piss off any gypsies.
19. Apparently, sheep are extremely flammable.
20. Don't ever break into, or steal from, a genetic research lab.
21. They don't have meetings about rainbows.
22. If your 'bait' is a tanker truck full of blood, you really shouldn't be hunting it.
23. That 'trespassers will be eaten' sign is probably not a joke.
24. If you think you're going crazy, you probably already are.
25. If something is dripping acid, you don't want to let it get close to you before you start shooting.
26. Silence is golden.
27. You should be wary of overly friendly B&B owners.
28. Don't sleep in the room where the girl got her face peeled off by an unseen force.
29. Inanimate objects don't ever move by themselves. Pay attention to the plot points people, save yourself.
30. Old board games bought in quirky shops shouldn't be played.
31. If the locals tell you it's a monster of some sort; listen to them.
32. Mean people almost always get their comeuppance so be nice.
33. It's a really bad idea to leave your wife/date/girlfriend in the car while you walk 10 miles to civilization.
34. Never, ever, under any circumstance, should you be naked.
35. If everyone else is running, don't wait to see why. RUN!!!
36. Don't agree to go on long space missions. Everyone will go crazy and/or die.
37. That noise you hear coming from the basement? It's not your imagination but, don't go investigate.
38. If your new neighbor waits outside for you to invite them in, they're probably a vampire.
39. If your friend is missing, he's as good as dead. Don't go looking for him.
40. Don't trust the hot chick, she's either evil and going to try & kill you or stupid enough to get you killed.
41. If you have to go outside at night to use the restroom, hold it until dawn.
42. If you call your friend's name as they shuffle away and ignore you, just let them go man.
43. The electricity always goes out if it rains.
44. Never examine that strange hole in the ground that seemed to appear suddenly.
45. It's not your family pet anymore, even if it was this morning.
46. If you're hiding from some killer, he's behind you.
47. If a slightly creepy, dirty old person tells you not to go somewhere... don't.

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