I buckled down and worked like a fiend this morning. My boss has been gone all day. That means that I am now officially busy looking like I'm working.

Gotta keep up appearances.

I decided to change my user info page up a bit. I got rid of some of the older quotes and decided to post the whole thing, the way it was (except the colorbars and such), here in case I change my mind. I'm fickle like that.

( Read more... )

I've been trying to change but I'm just so tired of fighting my nature.






and now for something completely different...

( supernatural fandom stuff )

Enjoy!!

"The quality of my life would be greatly reduced if I did not have nostrils." - 'Weird Al' Yankovic

I used to drive down the long highways, throwing tomatoes out the window yelling, 'Hooray for the spicy chipmunk!'

If the circumference of a circle is the distance around the edge of it, and the diameter is the distance through that same circle, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?

I can bend minds with my spoon.

Debate politics with a fern. If you lose, refuse to water it.

For the next 60 seconds, I will conduct a test of my emergency broadcast equipment. AAAAHHHHH!!! Had this been a real emergency, the scream you just heard would be followed by lots more just like it. This concludes My test of my emergency broadcast equipment. - Calvin, 'Calvin & Hobbes.'

Hope is NOT a thing with feathers, the thing with feathers is my nephew, and I have to take him to a specialist in Zurich. - Woody Allen

A murmur ran through the court and before the bailiff could grab it, then it jumped up and bit judge Webster on the nose

Some of my colleagues think that the chemicals we are experimenting with could potentially cause brain damage, however I think that fish crunchy bits of salami my new red hippie noodle. Naked pool frogs?

No-one suspects the butterfly!

How's he gonna read that magazine rolled up like that? What the ... - a fly.

How mad would a wood chuck get if a big neon pink Koala bear named Ishtar ran into the woods and chucked all the wood before the woodchuck could?

Small, green leafy bodies, long tongues drooling over sharp incisors, they weren't human, they were brussel sprouts, killer brussel sprouts.

"You can't go saying 'everybody's got a waterbuffalo!' Everyone does NOT have a waterbuffalo! We're going to get nasty letters saying "Where's MY waterbuffalo? Why don't I have a waterbuffalo?" Are you prepared to deal with that? I didn't think so!" --Archibald Asparagus

Yes, it was big. And ugly. And smelly. But none of that was important, because it was my big, ugly, smelly thing that I had found at the landfill and no one could take it away from me. Unless they felt like it.

Give a man a match and he'll be warm for an hour... Set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Sanity is not my strong point. -Pelican Bob

When I'm feeling down, I like to eat a bucket of fried chicken in front of a Jenny Craig Outlet.

There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman. - Groundskeeper Willie

He's dead... But look! Hundreds of bright copper kettles, warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up in string! Someone was after a few of this guy's favorite things.

Sometimes I have a difficult time handling myself in social situations. I just start scampering around neurotically, frantically jumping all over guests. I think it all goes back to when I was raised in the wild by miniature schnauzers.

Some artists work in oils, some work in clay. I prefer Jell-O.

In space, no one can hear your teddy bear scream.

Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are OK, you're it.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to eight, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry."

Sheep don't fly so much as plummet.

Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.

Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

666A, 666B - Tenants of the beast.

Why not have your cake and eat it too -- it's cake, what else are you going to do with it?

Be alert -- the world needs more lerts.

Federal Expresso: When you absolutely, positively have to stay up all night.

Forecast for tonight: Dark.

Necrophelia means never having to say ... well, anything!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)

Ways to Relieve Stress #10. Make up a language and ask people for directions.

Time flies when you're in a coma.

Dyslexic man sells soul to Santa... Film at 11.

Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. SHAVE THE WHALES!

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

Death called while you were out, so I gave him your pager number.

Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have.

"If these pills don't stop the kleptomania," said the psychiatrist, "try and get me a nice video camera."

It's a little known fact that the Dark Ages were caused by unresolved Y1K issues.

Spotted on the back of a T-shirt worn by LAPD Bomb Squad: If you see me running, try to keep up.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

Here at First National, you're not just a number -- you're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash, and another number.

If you don't like the way I'm driving, YOU come get these handcuffs off!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.

Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with Braille on them.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

A watched clock never boils.

Silence is not always golden ... sometimes it is yellow.

You know what? I'm glad I'm not a laboratory animal. Do you have any idea how many of those little bastards get cancer?

If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car -- the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Love letters, business contracts and money always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

To a worm, digging in the hard ground is more relaxing than going fishing.

Buy one for the price of two and get another one free!

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.

"Just say no" prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.

A rose by any other name would still attract aphids.

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live, taking the form of readiness to die. - G. K. Chesterton

Illegal drugs are the chlorine in the gene pool.

Crazy people who are productive are geniuses. Crazy people who are rich are eccentric. But crazy people who are neither productive nor rich are just crazy.

A classic is a book that is much praised yet rarely read.

If I get male pattern baldness, I'd like zigzags please.

If Walmart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

You may have a point there, but if you part your hair different, no one would see.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

He's about as subtle as a chainsaw, but lacking the social grace.

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket, I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

We're not laughing AT you, we're laughing WITH you. Now, if you'd just start laughing, the whole concept would fall right into place.

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit. -- the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

Seen on a sign in the window of a restaurant: Life is short, start with dessert.

Please do not throw your cigarette butts on the ground, the turtles crawl out of the ponds and smoke them and we are trying to get them to quit. (seen next to a turtle pond on Paradise Island)

Seen on a poster for staff working in a Hospital Maternity unit "Remember, the first 5 minutes of life are the most dangerous." Comment added below, "The last few minutes are pretty dodgy too!"

I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could. - Orson Welles

"Ever notice that 'What the hell' is always the right decision?" - Marilyn Monroe

When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the back yard. Eventually I was an only child

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

"I'm afraid of the dark, and suspicious of the light."

"I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk." - Stephen King